At Work:

I have a very responsible job.  Every time something goes wrong, I'm responsible!

I'm not paid to think -- I just work here.

Thank you Lord for giving me this rewarding job with such charming coworkers.

I want less work and more money for not doing it.

Of course I don't look busy.  I did it right the first time!

Smile -- it confuses people.

Work can be very rewarding.  You should try it.

Let me drop everything and work on your problem.

I AM perfectly calm!

To get maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake.

I leave my problems at work.  I have another set at home.

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!

I can only please one person per day.  Today is not your day.  Tomorrow is not looking good either.

I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem.

I love deadlines.  I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go by.

Am I getting smart with you?  How would you know?

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

I like work.  It fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with printouts.

Time spent on the internet shouldn't be deducted from a person's life.

Life's too short not to spend your weekends on the Internet.

It's 10 PM.  Do you know where your laptop is?

There should be a better way to start the day than by waking up every morning.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Hard work pays off after time but laziness pays off now.

Is my problem ignorance or apathy?  I don't know and I don't care.

We do precision guesswork.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I'm out of bed and dressed.  What more do you want?

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes.

I don't care.  I don't have to.

This isn't an office.  It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I pretend to work.  They pretend to pay me.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

I don't have a solution but I admire your problem!

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Errors have been made.  Others will be blamed.

Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2?

Don't worry.  I forgot your name too.

Chaos, panic and disorder -- my work here is done.

I'm not tense -- just terribly, terribly alert!

I just got lost in thought.  It was unfamiliar territory.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!

Remember my name -- you'll be screaming it later.

Do NOT start with me.  You will NOT win.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happens to good people.

The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.

Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.

Fax is stranger than fiction.

I didn't say it was your fault.  I said I was going to blame you.

Do I look like a people person?

No coffee, no workee.

Remember, we're not laughing with you, we're laughing AT you.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.